Hosana filio David...

The same crowd of Jews spreading palm branches out one day, crying "Hosanna to the Son of David...blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord", "Benedictus qui venit in nomine Domini", are the same to haughtily scream and clamour: "Crucifigatur"...let Him be crucified.

And how we resemble them.

We glorify and follow God as it is convenient for us.  We do what we want when we want it.  If it strikes our fancy to adhere to what we know is right, we'll do it, and pat ourselves on the back for our fidelity to Divine Law.  (Benedictus...)  But the clock ticks, the hours pass, and the Truth of Christ is no longer convenient, no longer comfortable.  We decide that it's easier to get rid of the One telling us this inconvenient Truth.  (Crucifigatur.)  --(Thanks to Fr. C.M. for inspiring these thoughts by preaching on the inconvenience of Truth.)--

When we decide that Truth, that Christ, is enough for us, and that we are willing to pay any price or make any sacrifice to remain loyal to Him, we will be able to accept the Resurrection and life which inevitably follows the Cross upon which we have thrown Him.

What Matters Most

Often times, we're taken off guard in life - we're so set in our ways and theories and our comfort zone that when something radical is asked of us, we shy away.  Unless even the surprise catches us by surprise.  Sometimes the most natural inclinations and intuitions we have toward a situation (fight, flight, or anything in between) are what are most true.  Fr. McTeigue has long told me that being patient is merely being present to the present, enjoying (or enduring) what is right in front of us, labouring neither over the past nor worrying about the future.  For someone as serious-minded, meticulous, and detail-oriented as myself, I am naturally disinclined to follow such logic.  I worry about almost everything.  But then God comes along and reminds me that He already knows how things are going to turn out, that everything happens for a reason, and that joys and sorrows alike are hand-picked by Him for my salvation.  What matters most is responding to the grace He offers when He offers it.  It's easy to put it off, to "think about it" for a while, and to delay making a decision.  But, to take St. Joseph, the earthly father of Jesus (the one to whom God Almighty entrusted both His Son and His most precious creature, Mary) for an example...when the Holy Ghost acted in his soul, he moved.  Without question, without hesitation, no matter how bizarre the request.  He acted on it wholeheartedly, without delay.  And so should we act.  Responsiveness to God's grace in our lives is crucial.  Whether it's a conversation in passing, a "debate", a meaningful friendship, however it manifests itself, recognizing and pursuing the Truth is something God offers us on a daily basis.  If we have the ears to hear and the eyes to see...let us pray for the courage to act.

Megan's Optimism

I've been all up-in-arms lately about all the negative things happening, so it's time for an entry I've been meaning to post and haven't had the time to sit down and write about all the positive that's happened to/for me.  So here I go.

God has been so good to me.  Seriously, He's taking care of me.  He knows what He's doing, and has deemed it best that I, apparently, don't.  And for the first time in my life, I think I'm ok with that.  I'm ok with not knowing what will come next.  I'm ok with not knowing what I'll be doing this time next year.  I'm ok with being in this cramped city with crazy people running around everywhere.  I'm ok with my emotional and personal state of being.  I'm ok with having little more than my job, a few friends, and my God.  Because this is where He's asked me to be, this is where I'll stay until He leads me elsewhere, and this is what He's given me; no more and no less.  I have what I have because He, in His knowledge, mercy, justice, wisdom, and love, has deemed it necessary that I have it.  I do not have what I do not because He knows it is better for me to either wait or do without.  I know this sounds uncharacteristic of me, so here are a couple of concrete reasons why all of this is suddenly ok...

1) The Gift of True Friendship.  I have the most fantastic friends in all the world, because nearly all of them are rooted first and foremost in Christ.  We pray Rosaries, go to Mass, talk theology and philosophy, and have edifying conversations about current world issues.  How many people can boast of such a gift?  But I can say with confidence that I will not take this gift for granted again; I've had to walk away from one such gift.  But God, in His infinite mercy (again!) has seen it fit to allow this friendship to begin anew.  The knowledge that we can once again be friends, base our friendship in the Lord, and walk the path of life together, hopefully leading each other closer to salvation with each step, brings great joy and peace to me.  Even with my friends in seminary to whom I can only talk on occasion (or not at all, in the case of my dear brother Nick!), I know that the bond between us is stronger than the friendships between most people, because they're rooted as deeply as a human friendship can go - in Christ Himself.  I'm so blessed, so grateful, for each of these wonderful people.  I really can't put it in any other way.

2) The Gift of Giving.  I spent a good amount of time this summer writing a single piece of music.  It came to me phrase by phrase, parts of it just the melody, parts in a whole choral texture.  I wrote this piece of music to St. Ignatius Loyola's challenging prayer known as the Suscipe for the occasion of my Jesuit spiritual director's final vows ceremony.  I was able to sing in the choir that provided the music for the Mass, and the choir graciously agreed to sing my piece.  It went very well, and I was pleased with it, but having Father come up to me later and express his gratitude really touched me; giving a gift to someone truly is its own reward.  Another example of this: a coworker recently suggested that we get a group together to go Christmas caroling at a nursing home in the city.  I agreed to help out, but spent the day yesterday hoping it wouldn't work so I could go home after work.  Thankfully, that didn't happen.  We went around the nursing home singing, and seeing the expressions on the men's and women's faces as we went around was such a joy.  I feel like I got more out of it than they did.  Watching the bedridden tap their toes to our songs of Christ's birth was one of the most rewarding things I've done in a while.  And it was a corporal work of mercy, too!  God gives us so many opportunities to love others and share His love, so many opportunities for grace, that we often shrug our shoulders, as I did earlier yesterday, and shuffle along our own "merry" ways, and completely miss the gifts He is, in reality, offering to US!

3) The Gift of Reason.  People try to use reason against Catholics, saying that belief in Catholicism (or in God at all), is irrational, unrealistic, etc.  I won't go into all the reasons that I've come to believe and be convinced of my faith THROUGH my reason, logic, rationality, study, et alii, as that would take hours, days, even years to communicate, and possibly never exhaustively, but I will say that, in relation to me being ok with God taking His time in revealing His will to me, I won't fight it because I know I can't.  I know in my heart that He is in control, and that I must surrender myself to the guidance of His holy will.  With His love and grace, I am rich enough, and I will ask for nothing more.  Things will happen when He sees that it is best.  And not before then.  No sense in worrying myself.

So that's the nutshell version of why I'm suddenly deciding that I need to be patient and trusting.  (Funny thing about patience, by the way - every time I pray for this particular virtue, God gives me moooore than enough times to practice it.  I usually fail.)  Now let's see if I can keep it up.  But I can say with confidence that I have seen much fruit from it already, and that omnia possum in eo qui me confortat - I can do all things through Him Who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

I can't end this post without mentioning Our Blessed Lady on the Feast of her Immaculate Conception (December 8).  If  you're reading this, remember that it is a Holy Day of Obligation - Ita ad Missam!  Go to Mass!

(On another note...it's amazing how much can happen in a year.  I can only hope that the next year proves as beneficial as this year has.  Fiat.  Deo gratias.)

--ad majorem Dei gloriam et animam salutem.--

Made for Another World

I have just come to an important realization.  I will never - ever - be satisfied.  No one can give me what I truly want.  I can't win it for myself, nor can it be achieved through luck or hard work.  I will never be satisfied.

I want peace.  I want happiness.  I want joy.  I want Love.  And only God can fulfill these desires in my heart.  Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee. - St. Augustine, "Confessions"

Some things will bring me closer.  Others further away.  To help myself get to this unattainable-in-this-life goal, I must cling to those things that bring me close to my Goal, and shun those that do not.

When I moved to San Francisco, I missed home terribly.  When I got over that, I missed Ave Maria horribly.  I visited Ave Maria last weekend and home this weekend.  Surprise, surprise...this isn't cutting it either.  Certainly there are things or people or experiences along the way that leave me teetering on the edge of what I want, but, in the end, they can only bring me so far.  The rest can truly only be filled by Christ's love for me - and my cooperation in that Love.

This is what I strive for.  If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. - C.S. Lewis, "Mere Christianity"

Sometimes I think that religious life would be easier.  I'd get to pray, read, work, and truly do all for the glory of God without the distractions and ho-hum-ness of daily secular life.  Being in the world is a trial not easily overcome. 

I'm truly thankful (and not just because tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day) for all of my friends who have brought me closer to this ultimate goal, who continue to inspire me to lead a good life, who encourage me when I feel like I can't go on, and who never let me rest when I do something to hinder my progress along the road to salvation.  I can only pray that one day, I can return even a small part of this huge favour.

Oremus pro invicem.

Forgiveness

It is my humble but strong opinion that the words "I forgive you" are the most powerful that can be spoken by a human person.  More powerful, even, than "I love you".

Forgiveness presupposes profound love, humility, and freedom.  It encompasses love entirely.  Giving up your own pride and stubbornness, especially about something you yourself are not at fault over, something that you could justify holding onto, but instead choosing the good of another - THEN, you have managed to love as Christ loved.

Even Christ, in His last moments before His glorious death, spent His breath forgiving the penitent thief and granting him eternal life.  Love consecrates, but forgiveness redeems.

"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy."

"Father, forgive them; they know not what they do."

Flight Risk

I was a flight risk
With a fear of falling
Wondering why we bother with love
If it never lasts
(Taylor Swift, "Mine")

Every time I wish that something would go right and then STAY that way (and YES, I'm speaking in general, not specifically about love), I remember that God made me a promise.  When I was at my lowest, He made me a promise that He had something better in store for me.  That I could have been happy with what I was lamenting, but that He had something better.  Whenever I say that I can't go on, this promise rings in my ears.  He has never let me down before, nor has He ever failed to deliver on a promise He's made.  I have no choice but to take everything with a grain of salt (or two), and wait patiently for Him.

My soul is waiting for the Lord, more than watchmen for the daybreak.  Let the watchmen count on daybreak, and Israel on the Lord.
(From Psalm 129)

It's not a matter of "if".  It's a matter of "when".  And I would fail to be faithful to my state in life if I preoccupied myself with the future...or with the past.  As Fr. McTeigue always tells me: "Patience is being present to the present."  (He also tells me, quite sarcastically: "Don't worry; I just know.  Everything will be ooooooooooo-kay!  LOL)

According to the multitude of my sorrows in my heart, Thy comforts have given joy to my soul.
(Psalm 93:19)

Joy is an objective reality.  Joy is NOT synonymous with happiness.  But being joyful is a choice, and a duty.  It is a gift from God, and something to be responded to.  I'm striving to be the woman that God created me to be...and He certainly didn't create me to be crabby and depressed and edgy all the time.  Relapsing into those categories would be, at this point, sinful.