So far, my creative output has been limited and all over the spectrum. They range from thrown together in a matter of minutes to painstakingly tweaked to my satisfaction over the course of months. Strict Common Practice counterpoint versus freer (but still tonal) counterpoint, good voice leading versus creative license, and secular versus sacred texts. All, however, have been for choir. One for men's voices, one for 5-part mixed, but usually just the conventional four-voice mixed chorus. I've begun a slew of others, but these are the main ones:
Paraphrase Mass: Dominator Deus [SSATB] (2008, unfinished)
Ave Maria [original, scored TTBB] (2009)
Ave Maria [revised scoring for SATB] (2009)
Regina Coeli [SATB] (2010)
Quid Est Caritas? [SATB] (2010)
Suscipe [SATB] (2010, premiered at Ave Maria University, November 2010)
I need to start writing again. I haven't touched anything since October/November 2010, and here it is, June of 2011. I've jotted down snippets and ideas, but by the end of the summer, I'm dedicating myself to writing an Adagio for Strings. Deadline: August 31. Will keep you appraised of my progress...mostly to hold myself to my word. Wish me luck!
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
What Matters Most
Often times, we're taken off guard in life - we're so set in our ways and theories and our comfort zone that when something radical is asked of us, we shy away. Unless even the surprise catches us by surprise. Sometimes the most natural inclinations and intuitions we have toward a situation (fight, flight, or anything in between) are what are most true. Fr. McTeigue has long told me that being patient is merely being present to the present, enjoying (or enduring) what is right in front of us, labouring neither over the past nor worrying about the future. For someone as serious-minded, meticulous, and detail-oriented as myself, I am naturally disinclined to follow such logic. I worry about almost everything. But then God comes along and reminds me that He already knows how things are going to turn out, that everything happens for a reason, and that joys and sorrows alike are hand-picked by Him for my salvation. What matters most is responding to the grace He offers when He offers it. It's easy to put it off, to "think about it" for a while, and to delay making a decision. But, to take St. Joseph, the earthly father of Jesus (the one to whom God Almighty entrusted both His Son and His most precious creature, Mary) for an example...when the Holy Ghost acted in his soul, he moved. Without question, without hesitation, no matter how bizarre the request. He acted on it wholeheartedly, without delay. And so should we act. Responsiveness to God's grace in our lives is crucial. Whether it's a conversation in passing, a "debate", a meaningful friendship, however it manifests itself, recognizing and pursuing the Truth is something God offers us on a daily basis. If we have the ears to hear and the eyes to see...let us pray for the courage to act.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Religious Beliefs and Society: Part 2/2, In a Public World
After almost a month of keeping you few readers waiting with bated breath (I'm sure), here, at last, is part two. Before I left Ave Maria, I was looking forward to vast amounts of free time to write music, read, relax, sleep, and do whatever else it is people with free time do. Now that I've been out of school for almost a year, I've found that I have far less of this coveted time than before. C'est la vie. Work, choir, and friends keep me entirely busy. This weekend, however, I have plenty of downtime for the first time in many weeks. Meryl and Chris are up at Sweetwater, Thomas is restricted to Carmel for a tennis tournament, I have a concert tonight and another tomorrow afternoon, and it doesn't look like it's going to stop raining, so I don't want to leave my house. This means that I can write blog posts, respond to theological discussions about Orthodoxy and Catholicism, write music, watch a movie on my sweet new TV (!!), enjoy a quiet weekend, and actually cook something exciting tonight rather than swiping an apple and some yogurt out of the fridge and calling it "dinner".
NOTA BENE: I don't really have an opinion on what type of government is best. They all have their flaws, and I wouldn't care to speculate. Whatever we're doing right now isn't working, according to the thoughts expressed below. Obviously, I'm open to criticism, suggestions, further thoughts, etc. I did not bother to go into Vatican II documents on modern Catholic social teaching, but drew solely from Aquinas, scripture, and my own thoughts. These are merely my own reflections on the separation of Church and state and religious beliefs/Truth in a public realm.
How much influence can a religious institution have on a social/secular institution? Or perhaps the more salient question would be to ask if the Church can dictate how people outside of her fold live their lives. In this world of tolerance, coexistence, diversity, and relativism, it's a difficult question to answer, and I'm not even sure I can answer it. Luckily, that's above my pay grade. But being the critical thinker that I am, I'm about to take a stab at it anyway.
Let us start by defining the theoretical roles of the Church and of the state. St Thomas Aquinas writes in De Regno that "Just as the founding of a city or kingdom may suitably be learned from the way in which the world was created, so too the way to govern may be learned from the divine government of the world." The role of the Church is to guide souls to heaven. Simple. Whether they are formally inside of the Catholic Church, just associated by baptism, or entirely outside of the Church, the role of the Church is to bring men to heaven. The role of state governments should, in theory, be to maintain civility, peace, and goodness for the people under her rule, and to make society a place for the betterment of her people. From there, laws can arise, civil disputes settled, customs and practices undertaken or done away with, etc. Aristotle wrote that "[s]ince every communication, whenever it is found among men, is ordained to something necessary for life, that community will be the perfect community which is ordained to the end that man may have the fullness of human life: and this is the city. For it is in the city that man finds the satisfaction of whatever needs human life may have in the circumstances in which it is lived (sicut contingit esse)." (As quoted from Aquinas in In Libros Politicorum Aristotelis Expositio; emphasis mine.)
The Church's primary concern is for the spiritual realm, to care for the soul of man, though one cannot rationally argue that the Church cares only for the soul. Catholic relief services, Catholic social teaching, giving alms, the corporal works of mercy, etc. all point toward a care for the complete human person. The Church looks first at the soul, then sees the human person in the context of his higher calling - that He was made to know, love, and serve God, being made in His image, and that he is destined for heaven, if he has the strength to consent to the will of God.
Conversely, the (modern) state's primary concern is for the human affairs of men, to govern his day-to-day life and to preserve society from violence, unrest. The state, at least in practice, cares for men from the outside in, that is, laws will inevitably touch upon the moral, the good, and the true. But herein lies the problem with government as such: because it is concerned with maintaining peace and stability - which naturally cater to the masses - upholding morality is not always the first priority, as evidenced by the legal termination of nascent human life. This is in sharp contrast to what Aristotle believes to be the ideal city/state.
Later in De Regno, Aquinas writes: "[T]hrough virtuous living man is further ordained to a higher end, which consists in the enjoyment of God, as we have said above. Consequently, since society must have the same end as the individual man, it is not the ultimate end of an assembled multitude to live virtuously, but through virtuous living to attain to the possession of God. If this end could be attained by the power of human nature, then the duty of a king would have to include the direction of men to it. We are supposing, of course, that he is called king to whom the supreme power of governing in human affairs is entrusted. Now the higher the end to which a government is ordained, the loftier that government is." (All emphasis mine.) Christ Himself admitted that "[His] Kingdom is not of this world." He unabashedly proclaimed that he "[came] not to bring peace but the sword." Christ's teaching was for all men of all times, and yet He didn't hesitate to teach and admonish the elders and command them about social issues as well ("render unto Caesar...").
Now the question is: where, if anywhere, do the heavenly kingdom and the earthly kingdoms intersect? The Church is the heavenly kingdom as can be had on earth, and the earthly kingdoms are the governments instituted by men throughout the world. How can Rome influence civil law? How can morality be imposed by the Church onto a civil, earthly government? As stated above, I do not claim to be qualified to answer this question, nor do I claim to have the correct answers. But it seems to me that Christ Himself did not intend for a complete separation of the two. It's true, His Kingdom is not of this world. But it IS in this world. Man is a composite creature, made of body and soul. To care for one and not for the other would be to separate man from himself, and thus from God, in Whose Image we are made. If state government had certain standards that would not be compromised, certain moral standards to uphold, if not by Divine Law, at least by Natural Law, we wouldn't have to have this discussion, because some element of morality and goodness would be inherent to civil, state government. We wouldn't have to worry about separation of Church and state, but for the time being, while it may not be right to impose morality, it is nevertheless the role of the Church to safeguard the souls of men, even if that means influencing or insisting upon a standard of morality in civil government.
NOTA BENE: I don't really have an opinion on what type of government is best. They all have their flaws, and I wouldn't care to speculate. Whatever we're doing right now isn't working, according to the thoughts expressed below. Obviously, I'm open to criticism, suggestions, further thoughts, etc. I did not bother to go into Vatican II documents on modern Catholic social teaching, but drew solely from Aquinas, scripture, and my own thoughts. These are merely my own reflections on the separation of Church and state and religious beliefs/Truth in a public realm.
How much influence can a religious institution have on a social/secular institution? Or perhaps the more salient question would be to ask if the Church can dictate how people outside of her fold live their lives. In this world of tolerance, coexistence, diversity, and relativism, it's a difficult question to answer, and I'm not even sure I can answer it. Luckily, that's above my pay grade. But being the critical thinker that I am, I'm about to take a stab at it anyway.
Let us start by defining the theoretical roles of the Church and of the state. St Thomas Aquinas writes in De Regno that "Just as the founding of a city or kingdom may suitably be learned from the way in which the world was created, so too the way to govern may be learned from the divine government of the world." The role of the Church is to guide souls to heaven. Simple. Whether they are formally inside of the Catholic Church, just associated by baptism, or entirely outside of the Church, the role of the Church is to bring men to heaven. The role of state governments should, in theory, be to maintain civility, peace, and goodness for the people under her rule, and to make society a place for the betterment of her people. From there, laws can arise, civil disputes settled, customs and practices undertaken or done away with, etc. Aristotle wrote that "[s]ince every communication, whenever it is found among men, is ordained to something necessary for life, that community will be the perfect community which is ordained to the end that man may have the fullness of human life: and this is the city. For it is in the city that man finds the satisfaction of whatever needs human life may have in the circumstances in which it is lived (sicut contingit esse)." (As quoted from Aquinas in In Libros Politicorum Aristotelis Expositio; emphasis mine.)
The Church's primary concern is for the spiritual realm, to care for the soul of man, though one cannot rationally argue that the Church cares only for the soul. Catholic relief services, Catholic social teaching, giving alms, the corporal works of mercy, etc. all point toward a care for the complete human person. The Church looks first at the soul, then sees the human person in the context of his higher calling - that He was made to know, love, and serve God, being made in His image, and that he is destined for heaven, if he has the strength to consent to the will of God.
Conversely, the (modern) state's primary concern is for the human affairs of men, to govern his day-to-day life and to preserve society from violence, unrest. The state, at least in practice, cares for men from the outside in, that is, laws will inevitably touch upon the moral, the good, and the true. But herein lies the problem with government as such: because it is concerned with maintaining peace and stability - which naturally cater to the masses - upholding morality is not always the first priority, as evidenced by the legal termination of nascent human life. This is in sharp contrast to what Aristotle believes to be the ideal city/state.
Later in De Regno, Aquinas writes: "[T]hrough virtuous living man is further ordained to a higher end, which consists in the enjoyment of God, as we have said above. Consequently, since society must have the same end as the individual man, it is not the ultimate end of an assembled multitude to live virtuously, but through virtuous living to attain to the possession of God. If this end could be attained by the power of human nature, then the duty of a king would have to include the direction of men to it. We are supposing, of course, that he is called king to whom the supreme power of governing in human affairs is entrusted. Now the higher the end to which a government is ordained, the loftier that government is." (All emphasis mine.) Christ Himself admitted that "[His] Kingdom is not of this world." He unabashedly proclaimed that he "[came] not to bring peace but the sword." Christ's teaching was for all men of all times, and yet He didn't hesitate to teach and admonish the elders and command them about social issues as well ("render unto Caesar...").
Now the question is: where, if anywhere, do the heavenly kingdom and the earthly kingdoms intersect? The Church is the heavenly kingdom as can be had on earth, and the earthly kingdoms are the governments instituted by men throughout the world. How can Rome influence civil law? How can morality be imposed by the Church onto a civil, earthly government? As stated above, I do not claim to be qualified to answer this question, nor do I claim to have the correct answers. But it seems to me that Christ Himself did not intend for a complete separation of the two. It's true, His Kingdom is not of this world. But it IS in this world. Man is a composite creature, made of body and soul. To care for one and not for the other would be to separate man from himself, and thus from God, in Whose Image we are made. If state government had certain standards that would not be compromised, certain moral standards to uphold, if not by Divine Law, at least by Natural Law, we wouldn't have to have this discussion, because some element of morality and goodness would be inherent to civil, state government. We wouldn't have to worry about separation of Church and state, but for the time being, while it may not be right to impose morality, it is nevertheless the role of the Church to safeguard the souls of men, even if that means influencing or insisting upon a standard of morality in civil government.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Megan's Optimism
I've been all up-in-arms lately about all the negative things happening, so it's time for an entry I've been meaning to post and haven't had the time to sit down and write about all the positive that's happened to/for me. So here I go.
God has been so good to me. Seriously, He's taking care of me. He knows what He's doing, and has deemed it best that I, apparently, don't. And for the first time in my life, I think I'm ok with that. I'm ok with not knowing what will come next. I'm ok with not knowing what I'll be doing this time next year. I'm ok with being in this cramped city with crazy people running around everywhere. I'm ok with my emotional and personal state of being. I'm ok with having little more than my job, a few friends, and my God. Because this is where He's asked me to be, this is where I'll stay until He leads me elsewhere, and this is what He's given me; no more and no less. I have what I have because He, in His knowledge, mercy, justice, wisdom, and love, has deemed it necessary that I have it. I do not have what I do not because He knows it is better for me to either wait or do without. I know this sounds uncharacteristic of me, so here are a couple of concrete reasons why all of this is suddenly ok...
1) The Gift of True Friendship. I have the most fantastic friends in all the world, because nearly all of them are rooted first and foremost in Christ. We pray Rosaries, go to Mass, talk theology and philosophy, and have edifying conversations about current world issues. How many people can boast of such a gift? But I can say with confidence that I will not take this gift for granted again; I've had to walk away from one such gift. But God, in His infinite mercy (again!) has seen it fit to allow this friendship to begin anew. The knowledge that we can once again be friends, base our friendship in the Lord, and walk the path of life together, hopefully leading each other closer to salvation with each step, brings great joy and peace to me. Even with my friends in seminary to whom I can only talk on occasion (or not at all, in the case of my dear brother Nick!), I know that the bond between us is stronger than the friendships between most people, because they're rooted as deeply as a human friendship can go - in Christ Himself. I'm so blessed, so grateful, for each of these wonderful people. I really can't put it in any other way.
2) The Gift of Giving. I spent a good amount of time this summer writing a single piece of music. It came to me phrase by phrase, parts of it just the melody, parts in a whole choral texture. I wrote this piece of music to St. Ignatius Loyola's challenging prayer known as the Suscipe for the occasion of my Jesuit spiritual director's final vows ceremony. I was able to sing in the choir that provided the music for the Mass, and the choir graciously agreed to sing my piece. It went very well, and I was pleased with it, but having Father come up to me later and express his gratitude really touched me; giving a gift to someone truly is its own reward. Another example of this: a coworker recently suggested that we get a group together to go Christmas caroling at a nursing home in the city. I agreed to help out, but spent the day yesterday hoping it wouldn't work so I could go home after work. Thankfully, that didn't happen. We went around the nursing home singing, and seeing the expressions on the men's and women's faces as we went around was such a joy. I feel like I got more out of it than they did. Watching the bedridden tap their toes to our songs of Christ's birth was one of the most rewarding things I've done in a while. And it was a corporal work of mercy, too! God gives us so many opportunities to love others and share His love, so many opportunities for grace, that we often shrug our shoulders, as I did earlier yesterday, and shuffle along our own "merry" ways, and completely miss the gifts He is, in reality, offering to US!
3) The Gift of Reason. People try to use reason against Catholics, saying that belief in Catholicism (or in God at all), is irrational, unrealistic, etc. I won't go into all the reasons that I've come to believe and be convinced of my faith THROUGH my reason, logic, rationality, study, et alii, as that would take hours, days, even years to communicate, and possibly never exhaustively, but I will say that, in relation to me being ok with God taking His time in revealing His will to me, I won't fight it because I know I can't. I know in my heart that He is in control, and that I must surrender myself to the guidance of His holy will. With His love and grace, I am rich enough, and I will ask for nothing more. Things will happen when He sees that it is best. And not before then. No sense in worrying myself.
So that's the nutshell version of why I'm suddenly deciding that I need to be patient and trusting. (Funny thing about patience, by the way - every time I pray for this particular virtue, God gives me moooore than enough times to practice it. I usually fail.) Now let's see if I can keep it up. But I can say with confidence that I have seen much fruit from it already, and that omnia possum in eo qui me confortat - I can do all things through Him Who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)
I can't end this post without mentioning Our Blessed Lady on the Feast of her Immaculate Conception (December 8). If you're reading this, remember that it is a Holy Day of Obligation - Ita ad Missam! Go to Mass!
(On another note...it's amazing how much can happen in a year. I can only hope that the next year proves as beneficial as this year has. Fiat. Deo gratias.)
--ad majorem Dei gloriam et animam salutem.--
God has been so good to me. Seriously, He's taking care of me. He knows what He's doing, and has deemed it best that I, apparently, don't. And for the first time in my life, I think I'm ok with that. I'm ok with not knowing what will come next. I'm ok with not knowing what I'll be doing this time next year. I'm ok with being in this cramped city with crazy people running around everywhere. I'm ok with my emotional and personal state of being. I'm ok with having little more than my job, a few friends, and my God. Because this is where He's asked me to be, this is where I'll stay until He leads me elsewhere, and this is what He's given me; no more and no less. I have what I have because He, in His knowledge, mercy, justice, wisdom, and love, has deemed it necessary that I have it. I do not have what I do not because He knows it is better for me to either wait or do without. I know this sounds uncharacteristic of me, so here are a couple of concrete reasons why all of this is suddenly ok...
1) The Gift of True Friendship. I have the most fantastic friends in all the world, because nearly all of them are rooted first and foremost in Christ. We pray Rosaries, go to Mass, talk theology and philosophy, and have edifying conversations about current world issues. How many people can boast of such a gift? But I can say with confidence that I will not take this gift for granted again; I've had to walk away from one such gift. But God, in His infinite mercy (again!) has seen it fit to allow this friendship to begin anew. The knowledge that we can once again be friends, base our friendship in the Lord, and walk the path of life together, hopefully leading each other closer to salvation with each step, brings great joy and peace to me. Even with my friends in seminary to whom I can only talk on occasion (or not at all, in the case of my dear brother Nick!), I know that the bond between us is stronger than the friendships between most people, because they're rooted as deeply as a human friendship can go - in Christ Himself. I'm so blessed, so grateful, for each of these wonderful people. I really can't put it in any other way.
2) The Gift of Giving. I spent a good amount of time this summer writing a single piece of music. It came to me phrase by phrase, parts of it just the melody, parts in a whole choral texture. I wrote this piece of music to St. Ignatius Loyola's challenging prayer known as the Suscipe for the occasion of my Jesuit spiritual director's final vows ceremony. I was able to sing in the choir that provided the music for the Mass, and the choir graciously agreed to sing my piece. It went very well, and I was pleased with it, but having Father come up to me later and express his gratitude really touched me; giving a gift to someone truly is its own reward. Another example of this: a coworker recently suggested that we get a group together to go Christmas caroling at a nursing home in the city. I agreed to help out, but spent the day yesterday hoping it wouldn't work so I could go home after work. Thankfully, that didn't happen. We went around the nursing home singing, and seeing the expressions on the men's and women's faces as we went around was such a joy. I feel like I got more out of it than they did. Watching the bedridden tap their toes to our songs of Christ's birth was one of the most rewarding things I've done in a while. And it was a corporal work of mercy, too! God gives us so many opportunities to love others and share His love, so many opportunities for grace, that we often shrug our shoulders, as I did earlier yesterday, and shuffle along our own "merry" ways, and completely miss the gifts He is, in reality, offering to US!
3) The Gift of Reason. People try to use reason against Catholics, saying that belief in Catholicism (or in God at all), is irrational, unrealistic, etc. I won't go into all the reasons that I've come to believe and be convinced of my faith THROUGH my reason, logic, rationality, study, et alii, as that would take hours, days, even years to communicate, and possibly never exhaustively, but I will say that, in relation to me being ok with God taking His time in revealing His will to me, I won't fight it because I know I can't. I know in my heart that He is in control, and that I must surrender myself to the guidance of His holy will. With His love and grace, I am rich enough, and I will ask for nothing more. Things will happen when He sees that it is best. And not before then. No sense in worrying myself.
So that's the nutshell version of why I'm suddenly deciding that I need to be patient and trusting. (Funny thing about patience, by the way - every time I pray for this particular virtue, God gives me moooore than enough times to practice it. I usually fail.) Now let's see if I can keep it up. But I can say with confidence that I have seen much fruit from it already, and that omnia possum in eo qui me confortat - I can do all things through Him Who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)
I can't end this post without mentioning Our Blessed Lady on the Feast of her Immaculate Conception (December 8). If you're reading this, remember that it is a Holy Day of Obligation - Ita ad Missam! Go to Mass!
(On another note...it's amazing how much can happen in a year. I can only hope that the next year proves as beneficial as this year has. Fiat. Deo gratias.)
--ad majorem Dei gloriam et animam salutem.--
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Made for Another World
I have just come to an important realization. I will never - ever - be satisfied. No one can give me what I truly want. I can't win it for myself, nor can it be achieved through luck or hard work. I will never be satisfied.
I want peace. I want happiness. I want joy. I want Love. And only God can fulfill these desires in my heart. Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee. - St. Augustine, "Confessions"
Some things will bring me closer. Others further away. To help myself get to this unattainable-in-this-life goal, I must cling to those things that bring me close to my Goal, and shun those that do not.
When I moved to San Francisco, I missed home terribly. When I got over that, I missed Ave Maria horribly. I visited Ave Maria last weekend and home this weekend. Surprise, surprise...this isn't cutting it either. Certainly there are things or people or experiences along the way that leave me teetering on the edge of what I want, but, in the end, they can only bring me so far. The rest can truly only be filled by Christ's love for me - and my cooperation in that Love.
This is what I strive for. If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. - C.S. Lewis, "Mere Christianity"
Sometimes I think that religious life would be easier. I'd get to pray, read, work, and truly do all for the glory of God without the distractions and ho-hum-ness of daily secular life. Being in the world is a trial not easily overcome.
I'm truly thankful (and not just because tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day) for all of my friends who have brought me closer to this ultimate goal, who continue to inspire me to lead a good life, who encourage me when I feel like I can't go on, and who never let me rest when I do something to hinder my progress along the road to salvation. I can only pray that one day, I can return even a small part of this huge favour.
Oremus pro invicem.
I want peace. I want happiness. I want joy. I want Love. And only God can fulfill these desires in my heart. Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee. - St. Augustine, "Confessions"
Some things will bring me closer. Others further away. To help myself get to this unattainable-in-this-life goal, I must cling to those things that bring me close to my Goal, and shun those that do not.
When I moved to San Francisco, I missed home terribly. When I got over that, I missed Ave Maria horribly. I visited Ave Maria last weekend and home this weekend. Surprise, surprise...this isn't cutting it either. Certainly there are things or people or experiences along the way that leave me teetering on the edge of what I want, but, in the end, they can only bring me so far. The rest can truly only be filled by Christ's love for me - and my cooperation in that Love.
This is what I strive for. If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. - C.S. Lewis, "Mere Christianity"
Sometimes I think that religious life would be easier. I'd get to pray, read, work, and truly do all for the glory of God without the distractions and ho-hum-ness of daily secular life. Being in the world is a trial not easily overcome.
I'm truly thankful (and not just because tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day) for all of my friends who have brought me closer to this ultimate goal, who continue to inspire me to lead a good life, who encourage me when I feel like I can't go on, and who never let me rest when I do something to hinder my progress along the road to salvation. I can only pray that one day, I can return even a small part of this huge favour.
Oremus pro invicem.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Flight Risk
I was a flight risk
With a fear of falling
Wondering why we bother with love
If it never lasts
(Taylor Swift, "Mine")
Every time I wish that something would go right and then STAY that way (and YES, I'm speaking in general, not specifically about love), I remember that God made me a promise. When I was at my lowest, He made me a promise that He had something better in store for me. That I could have been happy with what I was lamenting, but that He had something better. Whenever I say that I can't go on, this promise rings in my ears. He has never let me down before, nor has He ever failed to deliver on a promise He's made. I have no choice but to take everything with a grain of salt (or two), and wait patiently for Him.
My soul is waiting for the Lord, more than watchmen for the daybreak. Let the watchmen count on daybreak, and Israel on the Lord.
(From Psalm 129)
It's not a matter of "if". It's a matter of "when". And I would fail to be faithful to my state in life if I preoccupied myself with the future...or with the past. As Fr. McTeigue always tells me: "Patience is being present to the present." (He also tells me, quite sarcastically: "Don't worry; I just know. Everything will be ooooooooooo-kay! LOL)
According to the multitude of my sorrows in my heart, Thy comforts have given joy to my soul.
(Psalm 93:19)
Joy is an objective reality. Joy is NOT synonymous with happiness. But being joyful is a choice, and a duty. It is a gift from God, and something to be responded to. I'm striving to be the woman that God created me to be...and He certainly didn't create me to be crabby and depressed and edgy all the time. Relapsing into those categories would be, at this point, sinful.
With a fear of falling
Wondering why we bother with love
If it never lasts
(Taylor Swift, "Mine")
Every time I wish that something would go right and then STAY that way (and YES, I'm speaking in general, not specifically about love), I remember that God made me a promise. When I was at my lowest, He made me a promise that He had something better in store for me. That I could have been happy with what I was lamenting, but that He had something better. Whenever I say that I can't go on, this promise rings in my ears. He has never let me down before, nor has He ever failed to deliver on a promise He's made. I have no choice but to take everything with a grain of salt (or two), and wait patiently for Him.
My soul is waiting for the Lord, more than watchmen for the daybreak. Let the watchmen count on daybreak, and Israel on the Lord.
(From Psalm 129)
It's not a matter of "if". It's a matter of "when". And I would fail to be faithful to my state in life if I preoccupied myself with the future...or with the past. As Fr. McTeigue always tells me: "Patience is being present to the present." (He also tells me, quite sarcastically: "Don't worry; I just know. Everything will be ooooooooooo-kay! LOL)
According to the multitude of my sorrows in my heart, Thy comforts have given joy to my soul.
(Psalm 93:19)
Joy is an objective reality. Joy is NOT synonymous with happiness. But being joyful is a choice, and a duty. It is a gift from God, and something to be responded to. I'm striving to be the woman that God created me to be...and He certainly didn't create me to be crabby and depressed and edgy all the time. Relapsing into those categories would be, at this point, sinful.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Suffering
"Impassibilis est Deus, sed non incompassibilis." God cannot suffer, but He can suffer with. - Pope Benedict XVI
As I was walking to work this morning, I began my Rosary. It takes an enormous amount of concentration for me to do this, partially because it's morning and I haven't had coffee yet, and partially because walking through Golden Gate Park, there are so many beautiful things to look at! Consequently, I only got one decade prayed. Today is Tuesday - the Sorrowful Mysteries. As I was walking and praying and meditating, this line from Pope Benedict kept going through my head: Impassibilis est Deus... I began to wonder. How could God NOT suffer? Christ was fully man and fully God, and He seemed to have suffered unthinkable sufferings in the Agony in the Garden, much less through the other events recounted in the Sorrowful Mysteries. He suffered the worst tortures, and died the most horrendous death on the Cross. And Pope Benedict's statement didn't make a lot of sense to me, until I thought about it as a whole: ...sed non incompassibilis.
"Passibilis", Latin, meaning "capable of feeling or suffering, susceptible to emotion"
Im- being a negating prefix
-com- being a linking word to mean "with"
God can not only not suffer, but He is incapable of suffering altogether. He cares so much for mankind, however, that He deigned to descend to earth to suffer alongside our own suffering.
When Christ was agonizing in the Garden of Gethsemane, He saw the sinfulness of mankind in its totality. He agonized with us, on our behalf, not for His own sake. He assumed upon Himself the burden of our offenses.
We are never alone in our suffering. Christ has already suffered-with us...suffered in our stead. How little are our cares and sufferings in comparison to the burden He has shouldered for us. And how ungrateful am I to persevere in my sinfulness, pride, and misery.
As I was walking to work this morning, I began my Rosary. It takes an enormous amount of concentration for me to do this, partially because it's morning and I haven't had coffee yet, and partially because walking through Golden Gate Park, there are so many beautiful things to look at! Consequently, I only got one decade prayed. Today is Tuesday - the Sorrowful Mysteries. As I was walking and praying and meditating, this line from Pope Benedict kept going through my head: Impassibilis est Deus... I began to wonder. How could God NOT suffer? Christ was fully man and fully God, and He seemed to have suffered unthinkable sufferings in the Agony in the Garden, much less through the other events recounted in the Sorrowful Mysteries. He suffered the worst tortures, and died the most horrendous death on the Cross. And Pope Benedict's statement didn't make a lot of sense to me, until I thought about it as a whole: ...sed non incompassibilis.
"Passibilis", Latin, meaning "capable of feeling or suffering, susceptible to emotion"
Im- being a negating prefix
-com- being a linking word to mean "with"
God can not only not suffer, but He is incapable of suffering altogether. He cares so much for mankind, however, that He deigned to descend to earth to suffer alongside our own suffering.
When Christ was agonizing in the Garden of Gethsemane, He saw the sinfulness of mankind in its totality. He agonized with us, on our behalf, not for His own sake. He assumed upon Himself the burden of our offenses.
We are never alone in our suffering. Christ has already suffered-with us...suffered in our stead. How little are our cares and sufferings in comparison to the burden He has shouldered for us. And how ungrateful am I to persevere in my sinfulness, pride, and misery.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Curveballs, Fire, and Critique
I am copying Meryl's blog format for this post. You will find below three sections. 1) My life, 2) A reflection on Purgatory, and 3) Something controversial.
SECTION ONE: Baseball on the mind...?
God likes to throw odd pitches to me at very strategic times, I've noticed. Maybe He thinks I'm a good hitter and wants to challenge me...maybe it's a warning to say I should look out...maybe it's a test...maybe it's just Him laughing at me. I don't know. Sometimes He throws a curveball and I don't anticipate it (or know how to swing!), and sometimes He'll throw a slider and I'll basically run into the ground. Whatever it is, it means that He's telling me something. Oh, that I had ears to hear!
I got a pitch thrown at me recently, and it's in slow motion, so I'm not even sure if it IS a curveball. All I know is that God is true to His word. He told me that He has my life worked out for me. So I guess I should stop worrying about the pitch and let Him tell me whether or not to swing instead of analyzing it from a thousand different angles. Cooperation is the key.
SECTION TWO: A little more serious.
In dealing with frustrating situations, knowing that cooperation with God's grace and the situations in which I find myself can be directed toward a greater End: the greater glory of God and the salvation of my soul and of those souls around me. It's important to remember that every action, every thought, every inclination, will be examined on the day of Judgment. Everything will lead us further from Christ or closer to Him. And we'll have to give an account of everything...EVERYTHING...at the end of our lives. Modern society likes to tell us that there are no consequences, no rules, and nothing to worry about during life, and that there's nothing awaiting us after we die. The Church knows something different...consequences are real, rules effectively gives us freedom rather than slavery, and that, after we pass from this fleeting life...there is Heaven or Hell forever.
This morning, Canon Jean-Marie Moreau, ICKSP, gave a homily that was nothing short of shocking. It's the month of November (in your charity, please stop reading and say a prayer for the poor souls in Purgatory. Pater Noster...Ave Maria...Gloria Patri...), so Father preached on the reality of Purgatory. He said that the fire we know here on earth is a fire that was created for our convenience: cooking, heating, purifying, etc. The fires in Purgatory are the same as the fires in Hell. They were created for our inconvenience, for punishment. The souls in Purgatory yearn to be relieved of their suffering and to be united with God. They can no longer help themselves while they are in Purgatory. They rely on OUR prayers.
SECTION THREE: Some of you may not like this....
...but I've been reading Alice von Hildebrand's critique on Christopher West's take on A Theology of the Body, the popular work by Pope John Paul II on the meaning of human sexuality and love, and its relation to the Divine Persons. Having read both the TOB (for a class at Ave Maria) and Alice von Hildebrand's critique, I very much recommend it to you. The reason I bring this up at all is because I've gotten a few emails from an FSSP priest with various different resources on thoughts of the TOB. (Side Note: He highly recommends reading St. Teresa of Avila's Interior Castle or St. Francis de Sales' Introduction to the Devout Life instead. I must agree with him; trying to explore such mysteries without careful thought, great wisdom, and constant guidance is very dangerous. Spiritual reading by the Doctors of the Church and the mystics is more edifying, tried-and-true, and conducive to salvation.) However, if you are a TOB fan (or not!), you may find Mrs. von Hildebrand's reflections to be thought-provoking and beneficial to your own understanding. You can find the link here.
SECTION ONE: Baseball on the mind...?
God likes to throw odd pitches to me at very strategic times, I've noticed. Maybe He thinks I'm a good hitter and wants to challenge me...maybe it's a warning to say I should look out...maybe it's a test...maybe it's just Him laughing at me. I don't know. Sometimes He throws a curveball and I don't anticipate it (or know how to swing!), and sometimes He'll throw a slider and I'll basically run into the ground. Whatever it is, it means that He's telling me something. Oh, that I had ears to hear!
I got a pitch thrown at me recently, and it's in slow motion, so I'm not even sure if it IS a curveball. All I know is that God is true to His word. He told me that He has my life worked out for me. So I guess I should stop worrying about the pitch and let Him tell me whether or not to swing instead of analyzing it from a thousand different angles. Cooperation is the key.
SECTION TWO: A little more serious.
In dealing with frustrating situations, knowing that cooperation with God's grace and the situations in which I find myself can be directed toward a greater End: the greater glory of God and the salvation of my soul and of those souls around me. It's important to remember that every action, every thought, every inclination, will be examined on the day of Judgment. Everything will lead us further from Christ or closer to Him. And we'll have to give an account of everything...EVERYTHING...at the end of our lives. Modern society likes to tell us that there are no consequences, no rules, and nothing to worry about during life, and that there's nothing awaiting us after we die. The Church knows something different...consequences are real, rules effectively gives us freedom rather than slavery, and that, after we pass from this fleeting life...there is Heaven or Hell forever.
This morning, Canon Jean-Marie Moreau, ICKSP, gave a homily that was nothing short of shocking. It's the month of November (in your charity, please stop reading and say a prayer for the poor souls in Purgatory. Pater Noster...Ave Maria...Gloria Patri...), so Father preached on the reality of Purgatory. He said that the fire we know here on earth is a fire that was created for our convenience: cooking, heating, purifying, etc. The fires in Purgatory are the same as the fires in Hell. They were created for our inconvenience, for punishment. The souls in Purgatory yearn to be relieved of their suffering and to be united with God. They can no longer help themselves while they are in Purgatory. They rely on OUR prayers.
SECTION THREE: Some of you may not like this....
...but I've been reading Alice von Hildebrand's critique on Christopher West's take on A Theology of the Body, the popular work by Pope John Paul II on the meaning of human sexuality and love, and its relation to the Divine Persons. Having read both the TOB (for a class at Ave Maria) and Alice von Hildebrand's critique, I very much recommend it to you. The reason I bring this up at all is because I've gotten a few emails from an FSSP priest with various different resources on thoughts of the TOB. (Side Note: He highly recommends reading St. Teresa of Avila's Interior Castle or St. Francis de Sales' Introduction to the Devout Life instead. I must agree with him; trying to explore such mysteries without careful thought, great wisdom, and constant guidance is very dangerous. Spiritual reading by the Doctors of the Church and the mystics is more edifying, tried-and-true, and conducive to salvation.) However, if you are a TOB fan (or not!), you may find Mrs. von Hildebrand's reflections to be thought-provoking and beneficial to your own understanding. You can find the link here.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Plans. Or lack thereof.
I'm not really famous for my cheery optimism or upbeat attitude. Since being in San Francisco, however, I've received more compliments on my good work ethic and smiling face than I ever have in my life. Maybe I'm good at faking it. Or maybe that's the kind of results (read: happiness?) that you get when you try to do what God asks of you.
I didn't exactly beg God to let me end up in San Francisco after graduating. In fact, I had a fantastic life plan, and a decent backup plan when that one proved to have failed. But He asked something different of me and made it so that this was the only thing that worked out. I had two choices: roll with it, come out here with no assurances on just blind faith, or deny Him and sit around doing nothing. The choice was clear: this is what He was asking of me, and, no matter how afraid I was or how skeptical I was or how reluctant I was...this was it. So now, I'm out here without a plan, save to go where He leads when He leads. (I just pray it doesn't take too long!!)
God's will is a tricky thing. I spent years discerning and praying for Him to show me His will about a million things. Sometimes what I discerned was correct, sometimes it wasn't. But it was always clear when the chips were down. He doesn't hide His will from us; we hide ourselves from Him.
"Perhaps your own reiterated cries deafen you to the voice you hoped to hear." - C.S. Lewis
I didn't exactly beg God to let me end up in San Francisco after graduating. In fact, I had a fantastic life plan, and a decent backup plan when that one proved to have failed. But He asked something different of me and made it so that this was the only thing that worked out. I had two choices: roll with it, come out here with no assurances on just blind faith, or deny Him and sit around doing nothing. The choice was clear: this is what He was asking of me, and, no matter how afraid I was or how skeptical I was or how reluctant I was...this was it. So now, I'm out here without a plan, save to go where He leads when He leads. (I just pray it doesn't take too long!!)
God's will is a tricky thing. I spent years discerning and praying for Him to show me His will about a million things. Sometimes what I discerned was correct, sometimes it wasn't. But it was always clear when the chips were down. He doesn't hide His will from us; we hide ourselves from Him.
"Perhaps your own reiterated cries deafen you to the voice you hoped to hear." - C.S. Lewis
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