I've been all up-in-arms lately about all the negative things happening, so it's time for an entry I've been meaning to post and haven't had the time to sit down and write about all the positive that's happened to/for me. So here I go.
God has been so good to me. Seriously, He's taking care of me. He knows what He's doing, and has deemed it best that I, apparently, don't. And for the first time in my life, I think I'm ok with that. I'm ok with not knowing what will come next. I'm ok with not knowing what I'll be doing this time next year. I'm ok with being in this cramped city with crazy people running around everywhere. I'm ok with my emotional and personal state of being. I'm ok with having little more than my job, a few friends, and my God. Because this is where He's asked me to be, this is where I'll stay until He leads me elsewhere, and this is what He's given me; no more and no less. I have what I have because He, in His knowledge, mercy, justice, wisdom, and love, has deemed it necessary that I have it. I do not have what I do not because He knows it is better for me to either wait or do without. I know this sounds uncharacteristic of me, so here are a couple of concrete reasons why all of this is suddenly ok...
1)
The Gift of True Friendship. I have the most fantastic friends in all the world, because nearly all of them are rooted first and foremost in Christ. We pray Rosaries, go to Mass, talk theology and philosophy, and have edifying conversations about current world issues. How many people can boast of such a gift? But I can say with confidence that I will not take this gift for granted again; I've had to walk away from one such gift. But God, in His infinite mercy (again!) has seen it fit to allow this friendship to begin anew. The knowledge that we can once again be friends, base our friendship in the Lord, and walk the path of life together, hopefully leading each other closer to salvation with each step, brings great joy and peace to me. Even with my friends in seminary to whom I can only talk on occasion (or not at all, in the case of my dear brother Nick!), I know that the bond between us is stronger than the friendships between most people, because they're rooted as deeply as a human friendship can go - in Christ Himself. I'm so blessed, so grateful, for each of these wonderful people. I really can't put it in any other way.
2)
The Gift of Giving. I spent a good amount of time this summer writing a single piece of music. It came to me phrase by phrase, parts of it just the melody, parts in a whole choral texture. I wrote this piece of music to St. Ignatius Loyola's challenging prayer known as the Suscipe for the occasion of my Jesuit spiritual director's final vows ceremony. I was able to sing in the choir that provided the music for the Mass, and the choir graciously agreed to sing my piece. It went very well, and I was pleased with it, but having Father come up to me later and express his gratitude really touched me; giving a gift to someone truly is its own reward. Another example of this: a coworker recently suggested that we get a group together to go Christmas caroling at a nursing home in the city. I agreed to help out, but spent the day yesterday hoping it wouldn't work so I could go home after work. Thankfully, that didn't happen. We went around the nursing home singing, and seeing the expressions on the men's and women's faces as we went around was such a joy. I feel like I got more out of it than they did. Watching the bedridden tap their toes to our songs of Christ's birth was one of the most rewarding things I've done in a while. And it was a corporal work of mercy, too! God gives us so many opportunities to love others and share His love, so many opportunities for grace, that we often shrug our shoulders, as I did earlier yesterday, and shuffle along our own "merry" ways, and completely miss the gifts He is, in reality, offering to US!
3)
The Gift of Reason. People try to use reason against Catholics, saying that belief in Catholicism (or in God at all), is irrational, unrealistic, etc. I won't go into all the reasons that I've come to believe and be convinced of my faith THROUGH my reason, logic, rationality, study,
et alii, as that would take hours, days, even years to communicate, and possibly never exhaustively, but I will say that, in relation to me being ok with God taking His time in revealing His will to me, I won't fight it because I know I can't. I know in my heart that He is in control, and that I must surrender myself to the guidance of His holy will. With His love and grace, I am rich enough, and I will ask for nothing more. Things will happen when He sees that it is best. And not before then. No sense in worrying myself.
So that's the nutshell version of why I'm suddenly deciding that I need to be patient and trusting. (Funny thing about patience, by the way - every time I pray for this particular virtue, God gives me moooore than enough times to practice it. I usually fail.) Now let's see if I can keep it up. But I can say with confidence that I have seen much fruit from it already, and that
omnia possum in eo qui me confortat - I can do all things through Him Who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)
I can't end this post without mentioning Our Blessed Lady on the Feast of her Immaculate Conception (December 8). If you're reading this, remember that it is a Holy Day of Obligation -
Ita ad Missam! Go to Mass!
(On another note...it's amazing how much can happen in a year. I can only hope that the next year proves as beneficial as this year has.
Fiat. Deo gratias.)
--ad majorem Dei gloriam et animam salutem.--
